Things I do know:
- I am about to marry the man of my dreams. Words can never express the way I feel for him. Every time I am with him I get this feeling like when you get out of the car on your first day at the beach. You always take in the feel, smell, and sudden sense of relaxation; Shawn is my vacation. He smells wonderful; only like himself. It doesn't matter if he has on cologne or not, he has this wonderful natural scent that I can't get enough of. He can come home after working on the lawn mower all day and I will still run to him and take in a deep breath. He is strong, which is wonderful, and I love for him to hold me. He is my hero and protector. His touch is the ultimate comfort and it truly takes away any weight of the world. He is my best friend! Only Shawn can make me laugh the way he does and make me truly happy. I have absolutely no reservations about this wedding; he is by far the best man created and I am lucky enough to call him my own. I am completely and irrevocably in love with him.
- I have the greatest family on Earth. I couldn't ask for a better mother and father, or soon to be mother/father-in-law. I have been incredibly blessed with amazing examples of who I want to be and the life I should lead. My parents are very affectionate and have given me a great feel for what I want my marriage to be. They are always together, always happy, very loving, and have loved my unconditionally through my rough rebellious years. My, soon to be, in-laws are very strong in their faith and have inspired me to grow closer to Christ. They are very wonderful parents and have raised the exceptional man that will become my husband, and for that I can only love them more; and I do.
- I have the greatest friends in the world.
- I have the most amazing heavenly father even though I do not deserve it. I am, daily, growing closer to God and learning to strengthen my bond in/with Him. My relationship is only so wonderful because of Him and I am only alive and well because of Him. This world would be dim without my relationship in Christ, but because of Him I can see everything so clearly and the beauty of His creation.
I am hoping to use this blog to assist me in my daily devotions and help me implement God's word in my everyday life. I would also like to keep tabs on my growth through the years. For instance, today I was at work and for the first time a praise song just popped into my head and I thought to myself, "Okay God, You're freaking me out!" Because, like I said, this was the first time I think I heard Him loud and clear. I thought to myself, "How awesome is it that when I am calm and quiet, I can hear the Lord speak to me so clearly?" I have recently realized that I prefer to be a little more reserved these days (except when with Shawn of course!) because I find myself communicating with God when I am. I feel peaceful... and I like the peace. The peace symbol holds a completely different meaning to me these days.
Before Shawn my life was chaotic and humiliating. I still look back and cringe at the decisions I had made. I get the feeling in the pit of my stomach like I am climbing the hill of a roller coaster and I have to go down the hill before the feeling will go away. I know I am supposed to give those worries to God and allow Him to remove the pain, but I struggle so badly with giving away my guilt. I suppose it's because, if I find it so hard to deal with and so embarrassing, why would I want someone else (especially my father) to feel that way? I can only thank God for Shawn being my saving grace. I know that He created Shawn to save me from myself, and I know that I saved Shawn from himself too. We were blind and found each other just in time to find the light together. Only God deserves the credit... period.
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