I couldn't write about my "day 3" because Shawn was home and there was no time to escape while I typed. If I had typed in front of him he would have been his nosy self and had his head over my shoulder!
Yesterday was easy, but today was tough! I didn't think this journey was going to be cake; I had no idea how difficult this would be. I know I am stubborn and can be ruthless, however I have never realized how hard it is for me to shut my mouth. I didn't think I was a prideful individual, not that I don't have pride, but I didn't realize how badly I needed to have the last word.
Day 3 asked me to invest in something that would 'cause HIM happiness. I called in at Cahill & Swain and special ordered a golf shirt Shawn has been wanting. I did this because he plans on playing in the Wesleyan District Golf Tournament with his Dad and thought he could wear it. I did that with a full happy heart and paid for it out of MY savings (My Gucci bag fund!). I couldn't wait for today to get here so I could go pick it up!
Today, however, was Day 4 and was another petty argument! We haven't argued this much over petty stuff in a long time. We were avidly bickering while I was on my way and I passed the exit. I think it was an accident, but I almost didn't turn around. "He doesn't deserve it!" I thought to myself. But, that's not fair. Does that mean he has the right to stop treating me nicely just because we are fighting? Does that mean he can take away the diamonds he gave me for Christmas just because I am getting on his nerves? No. I wouldn't give them back anyway, but NO!
So, I turned around half-heartedly and bought the shirt. He had gotten a call so we did not get off the phone on the best of terms. I kept thinking to myself, "I am not the one backing down! I will not apologize first!" But, I realized that was the Devil feeding my ego and I had just learned that I had to take the initiative if I ever want him to. So, this evening before I got to school we spoke and I apologized. I told him I didn't mean to come off wrong earlier and that we needed to communicate better if we were ever going to get anywhere in this marriage.
I think we expect the other to read our mind all the time, and that's just not possible. I forget to put my blue headphones on and take my pink goggles off. I'm working on it, and I know God is working on me. This is a marathon... not a sprint. I have to keep reminding myself that!
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Love Dare: Day 2
Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you. -- Ephesians 4:32
Do not let kindness and truth leave you,; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. -- Proverbs 3:3
Today I learned a lot. I had to work on my patience late last night in, what became, a heated argument over something petty. Needless to say I failed day one. I was so ashamed and disappointed, but I realized we all make mistakes and decided to continue this journey.
My task was to continue to practice patience and also preform at least one unexpected act of kindness. Shawn and I put aside our differences this morning because I took the initiative in asking for forgiveness for my actions. I say this because that was part of today's task, and as I stated in my previous blog I am a skunk. I am not usually the one to back down first.
My act of kindness was simple and not unusual, but I am sure it was unexpected. I usually cook dinner and Shawn will clean the kitchen. I did both of these and then followed it with sweeping, mopping, vacuuming, cleaning the bathrooms, and doing the laundry. I have to admit, I love a clean house, but it is so much more enjoyable when I did it for someone else and not just to do it. I clean the house because I have to, normally, but Shawn's primary love language is "acts of kindness" and I should practice doing things like that for him more often!
Do not let kindness and truth leave you,; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. -- Proverbs 3:3
Today I learned a lot. I had to work on my patience late last night in, what became, a heated argument over something petty. Needless to say I failed day one. I was so ashamed and disappointed, but I realized we all make mistakes and decided to continue this journey.
My task was to continue to practice patience and also preform at least one unexpected act of kindness. Shawn and I put aside our differences this morning because I took the initiative in asking for forgiveness for my actions. I say this because that was part of today's task, and as I stated in my previous blog I am a skunk. I am not usually the one to back down first.
My act of kindness was simple and not unusual, but I am sure it was unexpected. I usually cook dinner and Shawn will clean the kitchen. I did both of these and then followed it with sweeping, mopping, vacuuming, cleaning the bathrooms, and doing the laundry. I have to admit, I love a clean house, but it is so much more enjoyable when I did it for someone else and not just to do it. I clean the house because I have to, normally, but Shawn's primary love language is "acts of kindness" and I should practice doing things like that for him more often!
Monday, September 21, 2009
Love Dare: Day 1
Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. -- Ephesians 4:2
He who is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who is quick-tempered exalts folly. -- Proverbs 14:29
See that no one repays another with evil for evil, but always seek after that which is good for one another. -- 1 Thessalonians 5:15
Today's dare was to resolve to stay calm and patient if you feel the need to say something out of anger toward your spouse. I can honestly say that harsh words are rare between Shawn and I, but we do have our moments. Today I did not have to try to be patient because there were no issues! I do, however, resolve to practice patience in the future when problems may arise!
Pastor Phil was preaching on marriage yesterday morning and he mentioned something that hit home. He said there is a skunk and a turtle in every relationship. One Person who gets upset and everybody knows it and one person who gets upset and retreats into their shell. I hate to admit that I am the skunk! I do not mean to and I do not want to be, but I am a very vocal and emotional person! I want to resolve to not be either, and I hope that I can help Shawn to no longer feel like the turtle. Communication is key and, although I feel like we have it down pretty well, it is something we both could work on!
I realize I cannot complete this forty day journey without patience or without having my heart one hundred percent into it. I am keeping a journal of it so I can write my thoughts and track my process; but also to use as a buddy system. When you decide to work out you normally tag up with someone so that, even when you don't want to, you always go in order not to let the other person down. If I say I am going to write it down everyday, then I have to complete the assignment.
So far our marriage has been wonderful and I wouldn't trade my husband in for anything in the world!
I know everyone says it is hard work and the bad times will come... I just try to remember that you're supposed to have FUN together. Shawn and I are best friends because we enjoy and admire each other, but also because we always have fun together. I just cannot see things getting terrible if we remember to have fun. :)
He who is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who is quick-tempered exalts folly. -- Proverbs 14:29
See that no one repays another with evil for evil, but always seek after that which is good for one another. -- 1 Thessalonians 5:15
Today's dare was to resolve to stay calm and patient if you feel the need to say something out of anger toward your spouse. I can honestly say that harsh words are rare between Shawn and I, but we do have our moments. Today I did not have to try to be patient because there were no issues! I do, however, resolve to practice patience in the future when problems may arise!
Pastor Phil was preaching on marriage yesterday morning and he mentioned something that hit home. He said there is a skunk and a turtle in every relationship. One Person who gets upset and everybody knows it and one person who gets upset and retreats into their shell. I hate to admit that I am the skunk! I do not mean to and I do not want to be, but I am a very vocal and emotional person! I want to resolve to not be either, and I hope that I can help Shawn to no longer feel like the turtle. Communication is key and, although I feel like we have it down pretty well, it is something we both could work on!
I realize I cannot complete this forty day journey without patience or without having my heart one hundred percent into it. I am keeping a journal of it so I can write my thoughts and track my process; but also to use as a buddy system. When you decide to work out you normally tag up with someone so that, even when you don't want to, you always go in order not to let the other person down. If I say I am going to write it down everyday, then I have to complete the assignment.
So far our marriage has been wonderful and I wouldn't trade my husband in for anything in the world!
I know everyone says it is hard work and the bad times will come... I just try to remember that you're supposed to have FUN together. Shawn and I are best friends because we enjoy and admire each other, but also because we always have fun together. I just cannot see things getting terrible if we remember to have fun. :)
Friday, April 3, 2009
Caught Off Balance
I was sitting at my front door last night with my [fifty pound] dog in my lap, waiting for Shawn to show up. She perked her head up and slanted it sideways watching something. I figured she saw a squirrel or someone walking their dog, but when I looked I saw nothing. I watched her ears perk up and her eyebrows shift together, and I tried to trace the path to where her eyes were gazing. I finally noticed that she was watching a bird that had recently landed on a tree limb in my front yard. I was watching this bird, too, and saw that it looked like it was not moving, however the flimsy branch was wobbling up and down. I realized then that it was using it's neck, bending it every which way, to keep it's head straight and sturdy so it would not lose it's balance. At this sight, I had an epiphany. So many of us are taught to think with our heads and be logical, but what if we thought with our necks? What if we concentrated more on the direction of our necks and not so much on our brains? Would we not be more careful and focused? Our neck is the exact part of our anatomy that ensures we do not lose our balance... along with our cerebellum. But maybe, just maybe, we should rely more on our necks to keep us in line and less on our brain.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Everything Happens For A Reason
Something I just read in Daddy Darrell's blog reminded me to write this down: everything happens for a reason on God's terms. Shawn got a call today; Daniel's cousin overdosed and died. Shawn's heart was yearning to counsel his friend and he was anxiously thumbing through his Bible for scripture. Shawn called me for guidance and I told him to pull out a book I bought him when we found out his dad's cancer could be back titled "How Could A Loving God?". It's all about death and biblical versus that assist in consoling those who may be grieving a loss or a future loss. I feel the need to explain why I truly believe that God will take you when he needs to, wants to, and will use you as an example to other's. I had an older guy friend named Brendon when I was in high school whom I knew through his older brother, Doug. We hung out all the time and he was a super nice guy with a nasty drug habit. We lost touch, he completely disappeared, and I found out why when I ran into Doug one day when I was home from ASU on a break. Brendon went to rehab in Florida to straighten his life out. He gathered the strength to pick up and move from everything and everyone he knew in order to conquer his disease, and he did!! But, shortly after he became sober he was killed by a drunk driver, ironically, while walking home from work. From that day forward I knew exactly why it happened. God wanted to take His child before the Devil could try to take him over again. I grasped a completely different concept that day, one that changed my outlook on things completely. So, when we lose someone close to us there is always a reason behind it. God knows the day you're going to die before you are born, as Shawn put it, and so that has to stand for something.
Be Content With What You Have
I learned a great lesson Sunday morning in Sunday school. While Becky was out speaking at the Women's Retreat, Nathan took over our class. Although we have been researching Philippians for the past 3 weeks, the final chapter (4) was what hit me in the noggin'; I have goosebumps right now simply typing about it.
10I rejoice greatly in the Lord that at last you have renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you have been concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. 11I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13I can do everything through him who gives me strength.
14Yet it was good of you to share in my troubles. 15Moreover, as you Philippians know, in the early days of your acquaintance with the gospel, when I set out from Macedonia, not one church shared with me in the matter of giving and receiving, except you only; 16for even when I was in Thessalonica, you sent me aid again and again when I was in need. 17Not that I am looking for a gift, but I am looking for what may be credited to your account. 18I have received full payment and even more; I am amply supplied, now that I have received from Epaphroditus the gifts you sent. They are a fragrant offering, an acceptable sacrifice, pleasing to God. 19And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.
20To our God and Father be glory for ever and ever. Amen.
Final Greetings 21Greet all the saints in Christ Jesus. The brothers who are with me send greetings. 22All the saints send you greetings, especially those who belong to Caesar's household.
23The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ be with your spirit. Amen
Shawn and I signed a contract on Monday for our new home, and today we signed the contract for the loan. This is a huge deal and a huge financial responsibility. To say the least, we are scared silly. But, the hearing those versus really opened my eyes and I felt a strong need to read them to Shawn last night, and I did. I realized that there is not a doubt in my mind that Shawn and I can not only pay the mortgage and our bills, and still have money left over for savings. The only reason we were frightened was because we have become so complacent in our comfort zones. We have never been married, so we did not know how much being married would cost. Today we found out how much our car insurance would increase, not to mention health insurance. For so long I have been riding under my parents wings and Shawn has been lucky to have an apartment that only costs $250/month!
Getting our financial statements ready for the mortgage lender, Tonda, and discussing our monthly salaries I was shocked! If the only bill I have to pay is my car insurance, then where did the rest of my paychecks go?! I want to throw up thinking of my lack of savings! Shawn and I have plenty in our account, however we could have so much more! Just looking at our most recent bank statements, 90 percent of our debits were to fast food restaurants! What a waste!
So many of us have become so consumed in our worldly ways, by worldly things, that we forget to be content in what we already have. We yearn for more and, when we receive it, it isn't good enough! We always want more! Why can't we look at what we already have our possession and want it as bad as we want newer, shinier things? I want nice furniture for my living room to impress company, instead of our used "hand-me-down" blue couch and non-matching brown recliner. But, they are still fabulous and usable! So, I realize that I don't NEED a new living room suit! I have plenty, thanks to God, and that's what I need to remind myself. Anytime I want a new pair of shoes or wish I could go get a pedicure, I will remind myself that I have all I need right inside my home. I have the love of a wonderful man, a roof over my head, and I'm breathing! What more could I need?
10I rejoice greatly in the Lord that at last you have renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you have been concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. 11I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13I can do everything through him who gives me strength.
14Yet it was good of you to share in my troubles. 15Moreover, as you Philippians know, in the early days of your acquaintance with the gospel, when I set out from Macedonia, not one church shared with me in the matter of giving and receiving, except you only; 16for even when I was in Thessalonica, you sent me aid again and again when I was in need. 17Not that I am looking for a gift, but I am looking for what may be credited to your account. 18I have received full payment and even more; I am amply supplied, now that I have received from Epaphroditus the gifts you sent. They are a fragrant offering, an acceptable sacrifice, pleasing to God. 19And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.
20To our God and Father be glory for ever and ever. Amen.
Final Greetings 21Greet all the saints in Christ Jesus. The brothers who are with me send greetings. 22All the saints send you greetings, especially those who belong to Caesar's household.
23The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ be with your spirit. Amen
Shawn and I signed a contract on Monday for our new home, and today we signed the contract for the loan. This is a huge deal and a huge financial responsibility. To say the least, we are scared silly. But, the hearing those versus really opened my eyes and I felt a strong need to read them to Shawn last night, and I did. I realized that there is not a doubt in my mind that Shawn and I can not only pay the mortgage and our bills, and still have money left over for savings. The only reason we were frightened was because we have become so complacent in our comfort zones. We have never been married, so we did not know how much being married would cost. Today we found out how much our car insurance would increase, not to mention health insurance. For so long I have been riding under my parents wings and Shawn has been lucky to have an apartment that only costs $250/month!
Getting our financial statements ready for the mortgage lender, Tonda, and discussing our monthly salaries I was shocked! If the only bill I have to pay is my car insurance, then where did the rest of my paychecks go?! I want to throw up thinking of my lack of savings! Shawn and I have plenty in our account, however we could have so much more! Just looking at our most recent bank statements, 90 percent of our debits were to fast food restaurants! What a waste!
So many of us have become so consumed in our worldly ways, by worldly things, that we forget to be content in what we already have. We yearn for more and, when we receive it, it isn't good enough! We always want more! Why can't we look at what we already have our possession and want it as bad as we want newer, shinier things? I want nice furniture for my living room to impress company, instead of our used "hand-me-down" blue couch and non-matching brown recliner. But, they are still fabulous and usable! So, I realize that I don't NEED a new living room suit! I have plenty, thanks to God, and that's what I need to remind myself. Anytime I want a new pair of shoes or wish I could go get a pedicure, I will remind myself that I have all I need right inside my home. I have the love of a wonderful man, a roof over my head, and I'm breathing! What more could I need?
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
First and foremost...
My, soon to be, father-in-law began blogging and, as much as I enjoy writing, I don't know why I never thought to share my thoughts. I can not really tell you the difference between a blog and a journal, but I would like to think "blogging" sounds a little more professional. :)
Things I do know:
Things I do know:
- I am about to marry the man of my dreams. Words can never express the way I feel for him. Every time I am with him I get this feeling like when you get out of the car on your first day at the beach. You always take in the feel, smell, and sudden sense of relaxation; Shawn is my vacation. He smells wonderful; only like himself. It doesn't matter if he has on cologne or not, he has this wonderful natural scent that I can't get enough of. He can come home after working on the lawn mower all day and I will still run to him and take in a deep breath. He is strong, which is wonderful, and I love for him to hold me. He is my hero and protector. His touch is the ultimate comfort and it truly takes away any weight of the world. He is my best friend! Only Shawn can make me laugh the way he does and make me truly happy. I have absolutely no reservations about this wedding; he is by far the best man created and I am lucky enough to call him my own. I am completely and irrevocably in love with him.
- I have the greatest family on Earth. I couldn't ask for a better mother and father, or soon to be mother/father-in-law. I have been incredibly blessed with amazing examples of who I want to be and the life I should lead. My parents are very affectionate and have given me a great feel for what I want my marriage to be. They are always together, always happy, very loving, and have loved my unconditionally through my rough rebellious years. My, soon to be, in-laws are very strong in their faith and have inspired me to grow closer to Christ. They are very wonderful parents and have raised the exceptional man that will become my husband, and for that I can only love them more; and I do.
- I have the greatest friends in the world.
- I have the most amazing heavenly father even though I do not deserve it. I am, daily, growing closer to God and learning to strengthen my bond in/with Him. My relationship is only so wonderful because of Him and I am only alive and well because of Him. This world would be dim without my relationship in Christ, but because of Him I can see everything so clearly and the beauty of His creation.
I am hoping to use this blog to assist me in my daily devotions and help me implement God's word in my everyday life. I would also like to keep tabs on my growth through the years. For instance, today I was at work and for the first time a praise song just popped into my head and I thought to myself, "Okay God, You're freaking me out!" Because, like I said, this was the first time I think I heard Him loud and clear. I thought to myself, "How awesome is it that when I am calm and quiet, I can hear the Lord speak to me so clearly?" I have recently realized that I prefer to be a little more reserved these days (except when with Shawn of course!) because I find myself communicating with God when I am. I feel peaceful... and I like the peace. The peace symbol holds a completely different meaning to me these days.
Before Shawn my life was chaotic and humiliating. I still look back and cringe at the decisions I had made. I get the feeling in the pit of my stomach like I am climbing the hill of a roller coaster and I have to go down the hill before the feeling will go away. I know I am supposed to give those worries to God and allow Him to remove the pain, but I struggle so badly with giving away my guilt. I suppose it's because, if I find it so hard to deal with and so embarrassing, why would I want someone else (especially my father) to feel that way? I can only thank God for Shawn being my saving grace. I know that He created Shawn to save me from myself, and I know that I saved Shawn from himself too. We were blind and found each other just in time to find the light together. Only God deserves the credit... period.
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